Why I refuse to play the “Gender role” in fashion.

I always liked to dress up, showing off my body, the amulet of my heart and soul in a fashionable seductive way for my partner I adore and to others to be candy for their eyes. The mystery of who is slipping into these clothes and make heads spin that leaves an impression of beauty and warmth in their memories without having a conversation with me or knowing who I am. It makes me feel good to see others watch me with joy and curiosity without being judged on my appearance…..and here in that moment of discovery of my fashion style the problems arise in a society that is divided between feminine and masculine fashion and expectations.

Our society, with its rooted gender norms, will describe me as cross dresser or someone that is exploring his gender identity. It might be true for some, but neither of them is true to me. I like being  a man……I actually like it a lot when you look on how women get treated in our world. I like being masculine with my heart, emotionally strong, to love and to be loved, to cry if I have to and not to be ashamed to show emotions. Being a colorful person that can feel for others does not make me a weak man. I lay my head on my wife’s shoulder because it is the safest place in the world for me and it gives me the feeling of security and the freedom to show my true self. That doesn’t make me fragile. And that is why I dress how I dress. Fluid!

Colorful on some days, dark on others but always in a way that represents me the most. I could never go to a meeting in suit and tie because every male at the table will wear that. If you want to see the world you have to be seen by it in a way that is appealing to others. I strongly believe that a lot of males are fed up by our standards, which you can witness by the strong movement of non-binary fashion blogs and designers emerging all over the country. ( I will write a post about non-binary fashion as there is much that is bugging me.)

We are getting better at accepting and opening up more when it comes to fashion and gender. But we still have a long way to go and I encourage all men to dress more sexy for themselves and their partners and not for the coworkers in the office.

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The problem with feminine shoes.

A few weeks ago I was out with a good friend of mine in my favorite cocktail bar in a small town near Portland. We were sitting on the bar, enjoying our drinks and finger food and were chatting away as we hadn’t seen each other in a long time. Out of the blue, a middle aged well dressed man tipped my shoulder and apologized for the interruption but he wanted to know what brand my boots were as they came to his attention when he was walking by on the way to the bathroom. So I told him that they are Clark boots, lifting my foot so he could see them better as the bar had pretty dimmed light. He wanted to know were I got them and after I told him that I bought them in the women section his disappointment was all over his face. I wonder why. Is it because they were women boots or because he thought he will never get them in his size? We will never know but this experience inspired me to write this article.

If you are a member of the BIG FOOT people you will discover very quickly how difficult it can be to find shoes in your size. How many times have you been in the situation that you saw a gorgeous shoe that made your heart jump for excitement, imagining to what outfit it will fit perfectly with. You turn the shoe around and are inspecting it from all angels and think “YES” this is made for me! And then comes the reality, forcefully pushing you out of your dreams when you look at the size. How many times have you been there asking the floor people if they have it in size 11 or 12. You probably get a “no” as answer.

17389072_1328294310558057_8112687779225323168_oRain boots from Australia Luxe

A few online pages offer high heels for men, but sadly most of the shoes that are offered give you the feeling that you are shopping in a fetish store. Bright colors, cheap leather and a lot of glitter. This might work for a drag queen, but it will not fit my style at all. They are not the shoes you will see on the street and you wouldn’t want to wear them when you are at work in the first place. So the question is how to find women shoes that go over size 10? They are out there, it just needs a lot of digging on the net and sadly you will not find them in a regular shoe store. And the options are limited. The good news is that the few brands that make bigger shoes are also good quality and very comfortable to wear.

Clarks makes some very nice and comfortable heeled booties that I wear pretty much every day without any problems. Frye also has quite a selection of very pretty boots in larger sizing. Both companies are known for there quality and yes they dig a little bit deeper into your bank account but it is worth it. I always get good compliments about my shoes and people do not realize right away that I actually wear women shoes. The down side is that most of these shoes you will only find online and if you really want to hold the shoe of your dreams in your hand, Nordstrom and Macys are the two stores that have a better selection when it comes to shoe sizes.

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